i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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