in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
