My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
