you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
