I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
