He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i believe in u and ur pee
that may or may not have been my penis.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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