I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize