Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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