i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
