All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
