there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize