im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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