Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
