You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
