ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would ride that face into the sunset
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize