You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
