someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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