is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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