I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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