If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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