He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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