Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize