my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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