So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
