Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
