That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
