Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Boobs are out for the taking
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
