Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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