I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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