How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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