We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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