he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
