Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
