Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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