worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
