I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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