If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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