At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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