Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
