his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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