she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
