i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
