What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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