That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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