i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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