I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
