WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
