Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
