69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
