I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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