My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
