If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
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