I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
