it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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