just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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