I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
