I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
