what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
