i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
