remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
