is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
