can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
