one might say we're banned from that church
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
