Your face is a jimmy john
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
