ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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