Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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