I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
