You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
