Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
