the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
