There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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