did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's blow job season.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
