His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
