So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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