that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize